Adam: Triangle Man - Wherein we discuss the most fundamental boundaries of personal identity, and how they form the basis of a healthy persona

As we learned in the previous section, the division of the human psyche into two complimentary halves is what allows us the fundamental expression of freewill, which is the power to choose whom (and how) we love.   To be free to love another or to resist from doing so, and to love that other as an equal with full respect - this is what it means to be human on the most fundamental level.  Joining our fate to that of another is in itself the primal expression of what it means to be created in the image of God.  




And so we have together an interplay between three players.  The self, others, and above us all - God.  




These three, Self-God-Other, are the entirety of our psychic world.  Nothing exists that is not one of the three.  This is a fundamental concept R. Yehuda Loewy (from here on Maharal) discusses numerous times in his works.  On his commentary to tractate Avos he explains the concept as the point of the following Mishna:  




Simon the Righteous was of the last Men of the Great Assembly.  He said, “The world stands on three things:  Torah (study); Service (of God); and nurturing loving kindness.”




The Maharal explains the Mishna to be speaking not only of the world at large but also the inner world of each individual.  He says these three things, Torah, Service and Loving-kindness are really expressions of three relationships.  




Relationship to Self = Torah Study




Relationship to God = Service




Relationship to Others = Loving Kindness




Relationship to Self – as a sentient being you think for yourself.  This capacity is developed through Torah study.  This is where we develop our personal world-view.  




Of course the main point of study is the commandments and learning how to behave according to Torah.  As well it is the psycho-spiritual concepts like “love your friend as yourself….” But it’s value also lies simply in the power of Torah study as a mind opening device.  And the more study the better.  It may seem paradoxical to think that the more one is steeped in learning Torah the more they are able to think for themselves, but it is not paradoxical at all.  I hate to say it, but most people don’t have their own opinions, but rather opinions they’ve absorbed from being overly exposed to media.  If we don’t have the time to digest and really think about what we are hearing and seeing, we’re not able to put our best foot forward intellectually as far as having reasoned opinions.  People tend to be lazy and believe what is comfortable for them, according to the behaviours that they want to keep doing.  Their lifestyle choices are the basis of the philosophy, not the other way around.  Only a person who makes the effort to study the difficult questions of life has an opinion they truly believe in.  Such a person is willing to suffer for their beliefs, because to them they are the truest thing in the world.  To the convenient believer there is little worth fighting (or working) for, which most people can handle ok as long as their money and health hold up.  




Torah study forces a person to think and to ask questions constantly.  Regular Torah study provides both a treasure trove of insights into life, and develops a personality which values curiosity and the thrill of discovery.  The pedagogic value of Torah study in developing independent thinking is unparalleled.   Jews didn’t get smart by eating herring.  




Relationship to God – your soul is conscious of God even if your mind is not.  But why would one choose to shut their mind?  Because we don’t always want to do what God wants.  It’s pretty simple really.  If you’re kids have ever ignored you when you’re asking them to pick up their room, you can perhaps imagine how God “feels” when we ignore His commandments, except it’s the Earth and our future He’s concerned for, not just a messy bedroom.   




Although serving God means doing all 613 mitzvos when and where they apply, the Sages instituted daily prayer to substitute for the formal Service of the Temple in Jerusalem.  In daily prayer we try to stay emotionally aware of our very real dependence on God, as well as the myriad blessings He visits upon us daily, with love.  Both feelings help us stay humble.  It is the service of the heart that keeps us in touch with our emotions, the engine that drives our character and motivates our actions.  We’ll talk more about this in the “Bow” sections.    




Relationship to Others - is developed through kindness.  Our relationship to others determines our real place in the world, as it is only how we interact with others that stitches our personal existence into the tapestry of human history.  The impact we are remembered for is only in how it matters to others.  What happened inside you is only for you.  What God thinks of you, you will know in good time.  But what will remain of you here on earth is only the legacy of how you impacted upon the lives of others, for the good or otherwise.  




Within these three relationships, when our energies are in the right direction (kivun) we find happiness, stability and peace in our inner (and outer) world.  When our focus in these in twisted, we find misery, despair and ultimately death.  




What do I mean by direction?




I mean quite literally, the physical direction of our thought.




I strongly believe that thought is obviously a form of energy, and that we can direct the flow of our thoughts just as we can a flow of for example, water.   This is what you’ve felt if you’ve felt someone staring at you from behind, or felt someone in the house although you could not hear them.   It’s not magic, it’s physics, just not in a manner we’re used to thinking in.




In any event, if a person is selfish, and their first thought upon meeting another is “what can I get from them” their energy regarding others is to objectify them, and reflect a projected image of them (e.g. “Girlfriend Y”) but only really care about themselves.  Their “relationship with others” energy is really directed at self, only using others as players or toys, and those relationships stand no chance at all of being healthy.  

     

The direction of our thoughts about ourselves is towards us.  It’s not about anyone else, and no one can enter the inner sanctum of your soul.  Your mind is yours, your identity is yours to pursue, your own understanding of life and all that you find.  In that place, adventure awaits as you explore what you think existence is.  Which is why the most important character trait in the study of Torah is humility.  Because until we can stop needing to be right and listen to what is already here, we can’t learn much of anything.  




The opposite relationship to self is to assume “my opinion is all that matters.”  Such a self (unless it is really a child) has it’s “self energy” inverted, the mind desperately needing to be right and be validated by others.   Relationships with others is marred by greed and jealousy, and there is never enough “respect” to feel at peace.   When one is a black hole, their relationship with God becomes one of projecting an image upon Him even if we are “believers.”  We do this so that we can “control” God.  In order to hide our bad behaviour from our own scrutiny, we create an image of God that allows for whatever we want to do.  We make Him someone like us, instead of making ourselves like Him.   




Creating God in our image is the root of all false religion, as well as the cause for atheism of most reasoned atheists.  What the zealots believe in is an image, an idol, even if they don’t make the statues anymore.  But what Torah speaks of is a Living God - not a belief system - a Living God whom you can feel and communicate with, daily. 




How do we “communicate”… by praying?  Yes, but no, that’s not my point here.  The communication isn’t us “hearing God” in the sense that a prophet does, but rather listening to what He already said in the Torah, and living it.  So if a poor person knocks on the door looking to work for food, then that is God calling - because He already told you to “lift up your brother…”.  No mysticism required.  Very practical, and yet do not forget for a minute that it was actually the Almighty in the here and now who sent the poor man to your door.  For your sake as much as the poor man’s, perhaps more.  




When God said “It is not good for Adam to be alone,” as we learned there it was because Adam would have been too self sufficient, not needing to give or receive in return.  This could not stand.  The “not good” of having humankind as a self-sufficient physique and therefore psyche lies in the fact that there was no other aspect of creation that could challenge the human to give from their deepest self.  It’s easy to give to one’s dog or cat.  It is other human beings who really challenge our capacity to give.  Especially spouses and teen-agers.  But everybody else too.  




To sum up:  We are Three.  We are our relationship to self, to other, and to God.  All three of these have a balance, and when they are in balance we as people are secure.  So:  Feeling clear and secure about our own world-view; relating towards others with kindness; and remembering that our purpose is to serve God, altogether enable a person to be a vessel for blessing.




But the opposite - making self-hood into selfishness; others into objects to collect or manipulate;  and especially making God into an idol after our own image, destroys the person and all they touch.