Ki Seitzei
Refining the Yetzer Hara
Deuteronomy 21:10–14
When you go out to wage war against your enemies and the Lord your God gives them into your hand, and you capture captives.
And you see in her captivity, a woman of beautiful form, and you desire her, then you can take her to you as a wife.
And you shall bring her into your home, and she shall shave her head, and she shall undo her nails.
And she shall remove the dress of her captivity from upon her, and she shall sit in your home, and cry for her father and her mother for a month of days, and (only) afterwards may you come to her and be intimate with her, and she shall be your wife.
And it shall be that if you do not desire her, you must send her away under her own authority, and you shall not sell her for money, you shall not enslave her, because you have afflicted her.
Aishes Yifas Toar — The "Woman of Beautiful Form"
What is the point of this mitzvah? All of the commentators wrestle with the idea: why would the Torah permit such a thing?
It becomes even more difficult to understand in light of the high standards of morality and behavior required of Jewish soldiers in wartime. After all, the Torah later states:
"This is because God your Lord causes His Presence to walk among your encampment... and (therefore) your encampment must be holy... Let Him not see anything lascivious among you, and turn away from you." — Devarim 23:15
So how do we reconcile this? How does the Torah allow what seems to be an act of base desire in the very setting that demands holiness?
Contextualizing the Permission
The rules of Yifas Toar include key limitations:
• He cannot take her during the chaos of battle — only after, when emotions have settled.
• He may only be with her if he intends full marriage — no concubine status.
• She must mourn her parents in his presence, as herself — not as a projection of his fantasy.
• She must remove all signs of her former allure — the hair, the nails, the dress of captivity.
• She cannot be forced to convert or stay. If he doesn’t marry her, she goes free.
This process is not indulgence — it’s discipline.
Speaking to the Yetzer Hara
The Talmud explains: The Torah is speaking against the yetzer hara, the negative inclination — or as I call it, the desire for chaos.
Rather than pretend that soldiers are immune to lust, the Torah acknowledges the reality — but builds a framework to channel and confront it.
We might compare this to the allowance of pork when a soldier has no kosher options. It's not ideal — it's triage. But even here, the process teaches us something profound.
Reclaiming the Human in the Other
By giving the captive woman space to mourn, grieve, and be fully herself, the Torah forces the soldier to witness her humanity. To see her tears. To hear her pain.
If he still desires her, if he is willing to elevate her into his life and soul through marriage — then perhaps his initial desire was not just physical. Perhaps he saw in her something deeper.
The Or HaChaim HaKadosh teaches that some souls of potential converts were scattered among the nations after the sin of Adam. A Jewish soldier may be drawn to one of these souls — and his attraction may be more than he knows.
And yet, she must choose as well. She must convert willingly. If not, she walks free.
A Torah of Responsibility
This mitzvah is not license — it's refinement. It says:
• You are not a beast, even in war.
• You cannot fulfill your fantasies unchecked.
• You must see her as a person.
• You must live with the consequences.
And if she leaves? Then you must let her go, with dignity, because you have caused her pain.
That’s Torah.
War is real. Temptation is real. But holiness is real, too — and it guides us, even in the harshest of times.
Because Torah is a path of life — even on the battlefield.
She must mourn her parents in his presence, as herself — not as a projection of his fantasy.
She must remove all signs of her former allure — the hair, the nails, the dress of captivity.
She cannot be forced to convert or stay. If he doesn’t marry her, she goes free.
This process is not indulgence — it’s discipline.
Speaking to the Yetzer Hara
The Talmud explains: The Torah is speaking against the yetzer hara, the negative inclination — or as I call it, the desire for chaos.
Rather than pretend that soldiers are immune to lust, the Torah acknowledges the reality — but builds a framework to channel and confront it.
We might compare this to the allowance of pork when a soldier has no kosher options. It's not ideal — it's triage. But even here, the process teaches us something profound.
Reclaiming the Human in the Other
By giving the captive woman space to mourn, grieve, and be fully herself, the Torah forces the soldier to witness her humanity. To see her tears. To hear her pain.
If he still desires her, if he is willing to elevate her into his life and soul through marriage — then perhaps his initial desire was not just physical. Perhaps he saw in her something deeper.
The Or HaChaim HaKadosh teaches that some souls of potential converts were scattered among the nations after the sin of Adam. A Jewish soldier may be drawn to one of these souls — and his attraction may be more than he knows.
And yet, she must choose as well. She must convert willingly. If not, she walks free.
A Torah of Responsibility
This mitzvah is not license — it's refinement. It says:
You are not a beast, even in war.
You cannot fulfill your fantasies unchecked.
You must see her as a person.
You must live with the consequences.
And if she leaves? Then you must let her go, with dignity, because you have caused her pain.
That’s Torah.
War is real. Temptation is real. But holiness is real, too — and it guides us, even in the harshest of times.
Because Torah is a path of life — even on the battlefield.
When you go out to wage war against your enemies and the Lord your God gives them into your hand, and you capture captives.
And you see in her captivity, a woman of beautiful form, and you desire her, then you can take her to you as a wife.
And you shall bring her into your home, and she shall shave her head, and she shall undo her nails.
And she shall remove the dress of her captivity from upon her, and she shall sit in your home, and cry for her father and her mother for a month of days, and (only) afterwards may you come to her and be intimate with her, and she shall be your wife.
And it shall be that if you do not desire her, you must send her away under her own authority, and you shall not sell her for money, you shall not enslave her, because you have afflicted her.
Aishes Yifas Toar — The "Woman of Beautiful Form"
What is the point of this mitzvah? All of the commentators wrestle with the idea: why would the Torah permit such a thing?
It becomes even more difficult to understand in light of the high standards of morality and behavior required of Jewish soldiers in wartime. After all, the Torah later states:
"This is because God your Lord causes His Presence to walk among your encampment... and (therefore) your encampment must be holy... Let Him not see anything lascivious among you, and turn away from you." — Devarim 23:15
So how do we reconcile this? How does the Torah allow what seems to be an act of base desire in the very setting that demands holiness?
Contextualizing the Permission
The rules of Yifas Toar include key limitations:
• He cannot take her during the chaos of battle — only after, when emotions have settled.
• He may only be with her if he intends full marriage — no concubine status.
• She must mourn her parents in his presence, as herself — not as a projection of his fantasy.
• She must remove all signs of her former allure — the hair, the nails, the dress of captivity.
• She cannot be forced to convert or stay. If he doesn’t marry her, she goes free.
This process is not indulgence — it’s discipline.
Speaking to the Yetzer Hara
The Talmud explains: The Torah is speaking against the yetzer hara, the negative inclination — or as I call it, the desire for chaos.
Rather than pretend that soldiers are immune to lust, the Torah acknowledges the reality — but builds a framework to channel and confront it.
We might compare this to the allowance of pork when a soldier has no kosher options. It's not ideal — it's triage. But even here, the process teaches us something profound.
Reclaiming the Human in the Other
By giving the captive woman space to mourn, grieve, and be fully herself, the Torah forces the soldier to witness her humanity. To see her tears. To hear her pain.
If he still desires her, if he is willing to elevate her into his life and soul through marriage — then perhaps his initial desire was not just physical. Perhaps he saw in her something deeper.
The Or HaChaim HaKadosh teaches that some souls of potential converts were scattered among the nations after the sin of Adam. A Jewish soldier may be drawn to one of these souls — and his attraction may be more than he knows.
And yet, she must choose as well. She must convert willingly. If not, she walks free.
A Torah of Responsibility
This mitzvah is not license — it's refinement. It says:
• You are not a beast, even in war.
• You cannot fulfill your fantasies unchecked.
• You must see her as a person.
• You must live with the consequences.
And if she leaves? Then you must let her go, with dignity, because you have caused her pain.
That’s Torah.
War is real. Temptation is real. But holiness is real, too — and it guides us, even in the harshest of times.
Because Torah is a path of life — even on the battlefield.
She must mourn her parents in his presence, as herself — not as a projection of his fantasy.
She must remove all signs of her former allure — the hair, the nails, the dress of captivity.
She cannot be forced to convert or stay. If he doesn’t marry her, she goes free.
This process is not indulgence — it’s discipline.
Speaking to the Yetzer Hara
The Talmud explains: The Torah is speaking against the yetzer hara, the negative inclination — or as I call it, the desire for chaos.
Rather than pretend that soldiers are immune to lust, the Torah acknowledges the reality — but builds a framework to channel and confront it.
We might compare this to the allowance of pork when a soldier has no kosher options. It's not ideal — it's triage. But even here, the process teaches us something profound.
Reclaiming the Human in the Other
By giving the captive woman space to mourn, grieve, and be fully herself, the Torah forces the soldier to witness her humanity. To see her tears. To hear her pain.
If he still desires her, if he is willing to elevate her into his life and soul through marriage — then perhaps his initial desire was not just physical. Perhaps he saw in her something deeper.
The Or HaChaim HaKadosh teaches that some souls of potential converts were scattered among the nations after the sin of Adam. A Jewish soldier may be drawn to one of these souls — and his attraction may be more than he knows.
And yet, she must choose as well. She must convert willingly. If not, she walks free.
A Torah of Responsibility
This mitzvah is not license — it's refinement. It says:
You are not a beast, even in war.
You cannot fulfill your fantasies unchecked.
You must see her as a person.
You must live with the consequences.
And if she leaves? Then you must let her go, with dignity, because you have caused her pain.
That’s Torah.
War is real. Temptation is real. But holiness is real, too — and it guides us, even in the harshest of times.
Because Torah is a path of life — even on the battlefield.